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Monday, 30 March 2015

Reflection Part 1

So, as we are officially now into the last two days of posting on this blog, I thought it was time for a bit of reflection.
Looking back on the blog there have been lots of good memories, things that looking back now really make me smile.
However, if you have read more than a few of my posts you will frequently get to hear me talking about not enough time, too much to do, finding it hard balancing work and home life etc etc etc...

It's funny but when you look back over writing over a number of years its easier to trace the patterns, and being busy, or too busy is certainly one of my patterns. Over the last two years like Em I have really tried hard to rest more, and have a true 'Sabbath' on a Sunday. This time has become very important, and though I've not managed it all the time I definitely have learnt to rest more, and this has now become a treasured time in the week where the pace definitely slows.
But I've also learnt that my naturally personality is to take on more, and that I'm not very good at just stopping. That's a challenge to me to learn to live in a different way, and learn to only spend time on the things that matter most, to think carefully before I just decide to go and take on something else.

And that's the second learning thing that's definitely happened over this blog. As a woman I seemed to have been born with innate sense of guilt, add to that the guilt I pile on myself for being a working mum, and the damage I imagine I'm doing to my kids that gets even worse. I've talked with Em about this many times, and she has rightly challenged me on this guilt.
Since Christmas I've been working longer hours, which guess what- it makes me feel even more guilty. However, I made a decision that rather than asking the kids all the time if there were problems because I was working more, I'd accept the current work, and be normal at home, rather than adding my guilt to them. And do you know what? The house hasn't fallen apart, and there have been no complaints from my two lovely children about me working....by me not making it an issue it's been better.
So today, I couldn't help smiling when I open my paper to be told that the thing that caused the most damage to teenagers was not mothers working, but mothers passing on anxiety and feeling guilty....oh what a learning curve.

So reflection part one for me is to not let my days be ruled by guilt, lists, always stressing because I've not enough time, and accept me for who I am, and focus on those important people.


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