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Saturday, 11 February 2012

letting go of control

these past few weeks i have been musing again on the landscape of life. it has been a recurring theme since jane and i first talked about it back in march last year. jane wrote a blog entry asking can you change your landscape or is it how you walk within it. my landscape has changed since this first conversation. challenging it may have been but it has allowed me to look at how i feel about control. as jane asked can you control your landscape or not?  for me it has been my ability to walk within the landscape. dealing with what has been handed to me and how i choose to act or react. learning about myself has been my biggest eye opener. things you can hide from other people but not yourself. facing up to issues big or small, painful or pleasurable, challenging or easy. all those things truthfully have enabled me to walk and walk tall, with grace within my landscape. the landscape changes. it has hills and dales. it has land and sea. it has sunshine and showers. within it; the best of times and the worst of times. i have also learnt it has hope, love and friendship if you have faith enough to look and want to find it. it is not something that can be dismissed. or it can. but at your peril. the landscape has a natural order. try and walk in a direction that is contrary to where the landscape wants you to go and the going gets harder. hills become mountains, bright sunshine grey. this much i have learnt. and having learnt that i no longer want to go my own way. well sometimes i do. especially when the going is hard. but i remember the happiness i feel within myself. i embrace the knowledge that enables me to trust and move forward. no matter how hard. it is meant for good. i am a control freak. letting go of control was hard. to keep doing it, harder. but i do it. open to what it teaches me. the battle at times seems lost. it is not. keep going. keep walking. i guarantee faith is rewarded. once you let go of what it is meant to reward you with. 


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